im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
