I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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