That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
