I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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