BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
