I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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