She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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