Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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