ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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