Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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