I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
