im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
