can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
