I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
