It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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