they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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