yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
