she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
