do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
