I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
