Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
