Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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