He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
