a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
