He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
