Im at strip club and am horny
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
