I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
