Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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