If i come over, it means nothing
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
