Where are you?
In a non slutty way
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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