i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
