when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
