Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
