Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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