Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
