Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
4 words: hood of his car
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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