There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
