I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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