how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
