i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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