if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Randomize
