I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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