I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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