So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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