So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
