I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Someone shattered a urinal.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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