So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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