I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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