remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
