Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
